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The song
“One ocean” by Chevelle is one of those songs I always say they speak to me. I remember going back home after a session with my therapist. I was driving in the city with my music on, thinking and considering everything I had dealt with in therapy. It had been a hard session, but my feelings were still contained. Until this song started and I started crying. It was hard and painful but somewhat liberating. The thing is crying is always relieving.
As soon as I arrived home, I went to my laptop, searched for the song on youtube and googled the lyrics. I found this video:
My background for the drawing
The thing is that that summer I had gone on holiday to Iceland. I always had a thing with whales and went on a cruise there to watch them. We couldn’t see them very close (like 3 to 4 metres away) but they were there, greeting us in a short distance, and it was awesome. I don’t know why but they bring me peace. Looking at them, watching them dive, breath, jump and play over the water. I believe I could have been a whale in another life, because what I feel is a really strong bond with them. Like being at home. I can’t explain this better.
So, when I was watching the video, the effect was much more soothing than earlier in the car, and started crying again. It was soooo beautiful! I had this feeling of no separation at all, the feeling of the certainty of trust in life and in the Earth and its beings… the animal ones… Well ok, we humans are animals too hahaha but I mean, I felt there was no difference between them and I. And I felt peace, and love. I remember the feeling I had diving in the swimming pool the last bath of summer, and suddenly I saw myself like in the drawing.
Floating in the ocean, with my sister, my friend the whale.. Both just there, in the middle of infinity, just floating, just enjoying. Just being. Being. Simply that. With no thoughts, no anger nor pain. In full and complete silence.
My hellish past and the healing
This year was horrible, one of the most difficult I had to live up to the moment. What my ex made to me was destroying me. It had destroyed what I was and is still torturing my mind, my thoughts and my beliefs. I’ve explained in this post with Pearl Jam’s Black how it was my experience through hell. So the thing is I looked for everything to try to soothe my mind. I started meditating and doing yoga, but the thing is that quieting your mind is something very, very, very, veeeeeery, very difficult and although they helped, they weren’t enough.
The only thing I found was completely useful was diving underwater. I promise. I don’t exactly know why. I suppose that it has to be a mixture of being unable of breathing there, so you have to be focused in your apnea for a while. Then, there’s no noise underwater, at least not so loud as outside. No noise, no smell, no speak… nothing. Just you. Floating. As I said before the last bath of summer in the swimming pool where I lived before was great. Because nobody was in the pool, so I could dive on my own for some time withouth being annoyed.
The peaceful feeling
And the feeling was great. Awesome silence and peace. I was there with no horrible thoughts at all. There was no pain, no sorrow. I felt nothing except a wonderful peaceful feeling. My mind wasn’t working there. It was only working to make my body swim underwater towards here or there. To make it go to the surface and breath air in to go down again and let the water caress my skin. I would have been there forever, and if I could have breathed underwater I would have been the happiest person in the world.
It’s interesting to know that water still gives me this feeling nowadays. What’s more, I think it has this soothing effect in many of us, but the thing is we don’t pay so much attention. How many times have you said you need a long shower? Or a hot relaxing bath? I believe water is not just a relaxing matter but a purifying means. Some time later, I was talking to a very good friend of mine who was diagnosed with ALS (sclerosis). She was explaining to me that she had started going to the gym and swimming because her doctor’s had recommended that.
The best part was when she stated how much she loved going to the swimming pool. She explained that sometimes her whole body was in pain, a kind of pressure (strong) she felt around muscles and bones. It’s clear she had to take pills and a treatment to deal with that pain, but you know sometimes, you have to learn to live with pain, because it never disappears completely. But she said she loved going to the swimming pool because it was there, and only there into the water, when her pain was alleviated the most.
The lyrics
As I explained before, the feeling diving in the swimming pool was one of longing to stay there forever. Because there wasn’t any pain and in a way, I felt safe and calm down there in that dimension different to air. When I read the lyrics I immediately connected with the lines: “..if I don’t surface soon, I may never…”. I knew deep inside that I had to go to the surface to be me, to exist in the air, to face the problems and to solve them. To learn and to grow. But it was true that the feeling of staying there safe and calm, was so strong that I could have stayed there forever.
“One Ocean” – Chevelle
It’s not a new alarm
That you heard
But it’s like I’m new again
New in its salt
Realizing
No illusions as good
So I made my way to the surf again
A bit of heaven
Hey
It’s our one ocean
It’s balanced on the edge
And it’s calling you
We met at the tides end
A baptism so divine
Like arms all around us
My answer seems imminent
Well if I don’t surface soon I may never
And say farewell to this odyssey
A bit of heaven
Hey
It’s our one ocean
It’s balanced on the edge
And it’s calling you
Hey it’s our one ocean
It’s sitting on the edge
And it’s calling you
Hey hey
It’s our one ocean
It’s balanced on the edge
And it’s calling you
Hey it’s our one ocean
It’s sitting on the edge
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